Early morning thoughts

Disclaimer: photo not mine
Disclaimer: photo not mine

Just a quick rundown of those things I can’t get out of my head, and so early in the morning at that!

  • I hate fighting with my parents. As a teen (or adult, it’s just semantics) you’d think that I’d enjoy exchanging heated arguments and cold shoulders with my folks, but to tell you the truth it’s one of the worst feelings in the entire world. It’s never pretty and most of the time that rush of power I get from being all rebellious and defiant is just that, a rush. It’s gone in a second and all I’m left with is a big, empty hole in my chest that slowly filling up with guilt, shame, and self-deprecation because I feel like the biggest ingrate.
  • I also hate fighting with my younger sister. Though pulling rank makes me feel way more powerful than I actually am, I know the words and statements I throw at her run deep and scar. Every now and then, I wonder how much I’ve changed her as she was growing up just by the words I’ve said.
  • On a lighter note, I love early mornings. I love waking up at 5:30am and watching the world come together ever so slowly. I love spending a few hours sitting on the couch with a cup of coffee on my hand, staring outside, waiting for the sun to shine. I haven’t done this as often as I should have. I probably should wake up early more often because it just makes me so happy when I do. It’s literally starting my day right.
  • I love food and I don’t think I can ever sever my relationship with it, try as I might. I’ve been on a diet for the most part of the summer and I’ve been stuck eating a strict list of food (that I consider healthy haha surprise, surprise). Everything’s controlled –food portions, meal times, snacks, the whole shebang. But sometimes I cheat. I log in to YouTube and watch hours worth of food videos. It’s such a guilty pleasure!
  • I’ve always looked down upon my country’s government and its politicians. Ever since I entered university I’d like to believe that the veil of ignorance has been lifted for me and slowly, I’ve come to distrust it and ultimately feel suspicious of its every move. But I will never forget what my Dad said to me, though. He reprimanded me when I rejected the idea of voting. I told him there wasn’t any hope there anyway –I said, that try as I might to vote and hope that this time around things will finally turn out for the best, it won’t. He told me to stop and to be real. “There’s nothing wrong with the system. You have to trust the system because it is there for a purpose. It’s the men and women in the system that you’ve got to change and voting gives you that power.” Huh, never thought of it that way.

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