I’ve always had this vision of the future as something so terribly huge that I am dwarfed just by the mere thought of its presence, so incomprehensible that the knowledge I possess of it is not actually knowledge but merely theories with no basis, and so abstract that my present reality is but a single speck in it.
I’ve also always had an image of the past almost parallel to that of what the future looks like–terrifying, dominating, and unforgiving. And then all of a sudden, I realized how terribly afraid I was and I have been for living my life like this.
Sometimes I wonder why I experience things they way I do and I always come back to the conclusion that it is because of my past and has everything to do with my future.
But I’m talking and not making sense at the same time.
Today has just been a trying day for me. To think that I’ve only been awake for an hour (57 minutes, to be exact) and yet (excuse the incoming expletive) shit just hit the fan. You know what I mean?
How does one stay awake after all this?
I ask myself: Why am I still holding on? What am I still holding on to?
Terrible questions with equally terrifying answers.